By Laura Lennie, News Staff
Nadia Mastroianni admits to having been nervous about talking to a reporter about her experiences with mental illness.
The Grade 12 student at Bishop Ryan Catholic Secondary School says feeling that way was "such a drawback," considering how far she's come in dealing with her social anxiety and panic disorders.
"But then I thought, 'OK, one step at a time.' I remembered what I've learned, to just look at the positive side of this and the people I'm possibly going to help," she says tearfully. "Not only am I doing this for myself, I'm doing this for so many teens that probably feel like this and are too scared to speak up.'
•••••••
As a kid, Nadia enjoyed hanging out with friends, yet also found comfort in being independent.
However, everything began to change around Grade 7.
Nadia's father and grandfather both were diagnosed with cancer, and her grandfather succumbed to the disease. Due to her grief, Nadia stopped hanging out with friends and isolated herself from everyone for about a year.
"I became used to feeling numb and empty, wearing a fake smile, forcing laughs...It was sometimes comforting," she says. "I continued to be independent. I almost didn't want to be a bother to people."
Nadia began to open up a bit around Grade 8, hanging out with friends again, but for some reason she felt uncomfortable and uneasy, often faking sick so she could leave.
"I began to think like I didn't belong," she says. "My grieving changed my personality to the point where I began to wonder if I was doing enough as a friend. I started to wonder if friends still liked me even after my grieving because I did lose quite a few friends because of it."
Nadia's uneasiness kicked into overdrive about two weeks before she entered high school. She was very nervous about going, to the point of being sick every day, and went to see her grief counsellor at her family doctor's office.
"I didn't want to face the fact that I was transitioning from a school of 400 kids to a building with over 1,000," she says. "I hated change. I was always scared of the outcome because I knew it was something I couldn't control."
After many sessions with her grief counsellor, Nadia was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder due to her excessive fear of being around people or in social situations.
She was prescribed medication, but things only got worse in Grade 9. She found it difficult to adjust to high school and suffered daily anxiety attacks, which caused her to sweat profusely, her heart to race, and feelings of nausea and detachment from reality.
"It felt like I was dying," she says. "I was confused and petrified that this was happening to my body."
Nadia was able to talk to friends about what was going on because some of them also were having a hard time adjusting to high school, but she didn't know how to open up to her parents, even though they noticed she was frustrated and moody at times.
"I didn't know what was going on with my body," she recalls. "My attitude had changed and it affected my parents big time. I think at one point they attributed it to typical teenage behaviour, but when you don't know yourself what's wrong, it's really hard to explain it to others."
Nadia became overwhelmed with her courses, adding to her stress, and was bedridden for about six weeks and fell way behind in school.
"I was scared to face my teachers, knowing they weren't impressed with my bad attendance," she says. "At times, I just wished they'd understand and help me, but I wasn't sure how to explain to them what was going on with me because at the same time I was still trying to figure it out myself."
All the while Nadia's anxiety kept getting worse.
She couldn't hang out with friends or even leave the house without feeling nervous or scared.
"I suffered attacks each day," she says. "Having continuous attacks every day was beyond words, exhausting."
A long period of depression followed.
"For months, I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained," she says. "I was tired of being in a battle with my mind every day, never winning. I couldn't face anxiety attacks anymore and was just frustrated."
Nadia suffered like this through Grade 10 and 11, missing a lot of school.
Her assignments piled up, her grades dropped and she lost hope.
"Suicide crossed my mind a lot because I felt like it was the only thing left that would take my pain of anxiety away," she says. "I couldn't see myself getting better at that point, so taking my life felt like the only solution."
Fortunately, Nadia never tried to kill herself, realizing there had to be a better answer.
"Something in the back of my head just said, 'Stop. You don't want to die, you just want to be saved.'"
With encouragement from friends, she decided it was time to get better. She says she'd hidden her depression and suicidal thoughts very well from her parents, who were shocked when she finally opened up.
"They experienced a mix of emotions. After all, I overwhelmed them with information I hid for years," she says. "But then they were understanding, and of course that tore me apart even more."
Nadia admitted herself to McMaster Children's Hospital in January 2014 and was diagnosed with panic disorder, characterized by panic attacks that seem to come out of the blue with no obvious cause.
For Nadia, being in the hospital offered some relief. She knew she was in a better place where doctors could help her get back on her feet, but it still wasn't easy.
"Not knowing what to expect going forward, having already been through hell and back, was scary," she says. "Having (social) anxiety disorder and then going to the most severe type of it...it kind of tore me apart a bit more."
After three days at McMaster, Nadia began outpatient therapy. She met regularly with a psychiatrist and talked about how much she wanted her life back.
"I didn't want to be independent anymore," she says. "I wanted to make memories with friends, be able to go out with them and be a normal teenager."
[caption id="attachment_57799" align="alignleft" width="329" caption="Photos by Laura Lennie"][/caption]
Eventually Nadia learned more about how anxiety works and ways to retrain her brain and body to combat it.
"I learned how to focus not so much on what could go wrong in a situation, but rather on the positives of it. I really learned what mind over matter was."
In time, she began to step outside her comfort zone and do things with friends she'd been unable to do for years. Things got better at school and she started participating more in class.
Completing outpatient therapy last August and continuing to use the skills she's learned, Nadia's gone on to achieve many things she didn't think possible a year ago.
She hangs out with friends and often spends time at their houses. She's walked across a stage in front of a large audience to receive her honour roll certificate at school. She's also a member of many groups, including the Celtic Circle Student Leadership Club, which aims to bring awareness to mental health issues through the iMatter: Taking Care of Teen Mental Health initiative. Student-led and teacher-facilitated, the initiative trains senior peer mentors to deliver a series of three lessons on mental health and illness to Grade 9 students.
Nadia, now 18, has been instrumental in not only developing iMatter at Bishop Ryan, but also inspiring peers to implement mental health initiatives at their schools.
She's also trained in safeTALK, where individuals learn how to recognize the signs of suicide, communicate with the person at risk and direct them to the right support.
Nadia says she feels really good about how far she's come, especially knowing she can use her experiences to help other struggling teens.
"When a student comes up to me and says, 'I see that you're in that club and this is what I'm going through,' just to know that they feel like they can talk to me about it is amazing and it's something that I would have never expected a year ago."
•••••••
Nadia says there is a lot of stigma around mental health and people with mental illness are sometimes seen as aliens, misjudged and underestimated.
"I think that really isolates people who suffer," she says. "It's easy to see if someone has a broken leg or a sprained ankle. It's not as easy to tell if someone is battling their mind every day and suffering inside."
Nadia says she wants to encourage anyone battling mental illness to never give up. She admits she still has rough days, but then she remembers how far she's come - from being bedridden and scared to face the world to now doing her best to embrace all life has to offer.
"It's a great feeling to know that I'm actually getting somewhere with this," she says. "I'm excited for what is to come now that I'm able to get out more. I'm still nervous, still scared for what's next to come, but that's just another road block in my way and I'm ready to take it on."
For more information on how to recognize mental illness in teens and the local resources available in Hamilton click here.
By Laura Lennie, News Staff
Nadia Mastroianni admits to having been nervous about talking to a reporter about her experiences with mental illness.
The Grade 12 student at Bishop Ryan Catholic Secondary School says feeling that way was "such a drawback," considering how far she's come in dealing with her social anxiety and panic disorders.
"But then I thought, 'OK, one step at a time.' I remembered what I've learned, to just look at the positive side of this and the people I'm possibly going to help," she says tearfully. "Not only am I doing this for myself, I'm doing this for so many teens that probably feel like this and are too scared to speak up.'
•••••••
As a kid, Nadia enjoyed hanging out with friends, yet also found comfort in being independent.
However, everything began to change around Grade 7.
Nadia's father and grandfather both were diagnosed with cancer, and her grandfather succumbed to the disease. Due to her grief, Nadia stopped hanging out with friends and isolated herself from everyone for about a year.
"I became used to feeling numb and empty, wearing a fake smile, forcing laughs...It was sometimes comforting," she says. "I continued to be independent. I almost didn't want to be a bother to people."
Nadia began to open up a bit around Grade 8, hanging out with friends again, but for some reason she felt uncomfortable and uneasy, often faking sick so she could leave.
"I began to think like I didn't belong," she says. "My grieving changed my personality to the point where I began to wonder if I was doing enough as a friend. I started to wonder if friends still liked me even after my grieving because I did lose quite a few friends because of it."
Nadia's uneasiness kicked into overdrive about two weeks before she entered high school. She was very nervous about going, to the point of being sick every day, and went to see her grief counsellor at her family doctor's office.
"I didn't want to face the fact that I was transitioning from a school of 400 kids to a building with over 1,000," she says. "I hated change. I was always scared of the outcome because I knew it was something I couldn't control."
After many sessions with her grief counsellor, Nadia was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder due to her excessive fear of being around people or in social situations.
She was prescribed medication, but things only got worse in Grade 9. She found it difficult to adjust to high school and suffered daily anxiety attacks, which caused her to sweat profusely, her heart to race, and feelings of nausea and detachment from reality.
"It felt like I was dying," she says. "I was confused and petrified that this was happening to my body."
Nadia was able to talk to friends about what was going on because some of them also were having a hard time adjusting to high school, but she didn't know how to open up to her parents, even though they noticed she was frustrated and moody at times.
"I didn't know what was going on with my body," she recalls. "My attitude had changed and it affected my parents big time. I think at one point they attributed it to typical teenage behaviour, but when you don't know yourself what's wrong, it's really hard to explain it to others."
Nadia became overwhelmed with her courses, adding to her stress, and was bedridden for about six weeks and fell way behind in school.
"I was scared to face my teachers, knowing they weren't impressed with my bad attendance," she says. "At times, I just wished they'd understand and help me, but I wasn't sure how to explain to them what was going on with me because at the same time I was still trying to figure it out myself."
All the while Nadia's anxiety kept getting worse.
She couldn't hang out with friends or even leave the house without feeling nervous or scared.
"I suffered attacks each day," she says. "Having continuous attacks every day was beyond words, exhausting."
A long period of depression followed.
"For months, I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained," she says. "I was tired of being in a battle with my mind every day, never winning. I couldn't face anxiety attacks anymore and was just frustrated."
Nadia suffered like this through Grade 10 and 11, missing a lot of school.
Her assignments piled up, her grades dropped and she lost hope.
"Suicide crossed my mind a lot because I felt like it was the only thing left that would take my pain of anxiety away," she says. "I couldn't see myself getting better at that point, so taking my life felt like the only solution."
Fortunately, Nadia never tried to kill herself, realizing there had to be a better answer.
"Something in the back of my head just said, 'Stop. You don't want to die, you just want to be saved.'"
With encouragement from friends, she decided it was time to get better. She says she'd hidden her depression and suicidal thoughts very well from her parents, who were shocked when she finally opened up.
"They experienced a mix of emotions. After all, I overwhelmed them with information I hid for years," she says. "But then they were understanding, and of course that tore me apart even more."
Nadia admitted herself to McMaster Children's Hospital in January 2014 and was diagnosed with panic disorder, characterized by panic attacks that seem to come out of the blue with no obvious cause.
For Nadia, being in the hospital offered some relief. She knew she was in a better place where doctors could help her get back on her feet, but it still wasn't easy.
"Not knowing what to expect going forward, having already been through hell and back, was scary," she says. "Having (social) anxiety disorder and then going to the most severe type of it...it kind of tore me apart a bit more."
After three days at McMaster, Nadia began outpatient therapy. She met regularly with a psychiatrist and talked about how much she wanted her life back.
"I didn't want to be independent anymore," she says. "I wanted to make memories with friends, be able to go out with them and be a normal teenager."
[caption id="attachment_57799" align="alignleft" width="329" caption="Photos by Laura Lennie"][/caption]
Eventually Nadia learned more about how anxiety works and ways to retrain her brain and body to combat it.
"I learned how to focus not so much on what could go wrong in a situation, but rather on the positives of it. I really learned what mind over matter was."
In time, she began to step outside her comfort zone and do things with friends she'd been unable to do for years. Things got better at school and she started participating more in class.
Completing outpatient therapy last August and continuing to use the skills she's learned, Nadia's gone on to achieve many things she didn't think possible a year ago.
She hangs out with friends and often spends time at their houses. She's walked across a stage in front of a large audience to receive her honour roll certificate at school. She's also a member of many groups, including the Celtic Circle Student Leadership Club, which aims to bring awareness to mental health issues through the iMatter: Taking Care of Teen Mental Health initiative. Student-led and teacher-facilitated, the initiative trains senior peer mentors to deliver a series of three lessons on mental health and illness to Grade 9 students.
Nadia, now 18, has been instrumental in not only developing iMatter at Bishop Ryan, but also inspiring peers to implement mental health initiatives at their schools.
She's also trained in safeTALK, where individuals learn how to recognize the signs of suicide, communicate with the person at risk and direct them to the right support.
Nadia says she feels really good about how far she's come, especially knowing she can use her experiences to help other struggling teens.
"When a student comes up to me and says, 'I see that you're in that club and this is what I'm going through,' just to know that they feel like they can talk to me about it is amazing and it's something that I would have never expected a year ago."
•••••••
Nadia says there is a lot of stigma around mental health and people with mental illness are sometimes seen as aliens, misjudged and underestimated.
"I think that really isolates people who suffer," she says. "It's easy to see if someone has a broken leg or a sprained ankle. It's not as easy to tell if someone is battling their mind every day and suffering inside."
Nadia says she wants to encourage anyone battling mental illness to never give up. She admits she still has rough days, but then she remembers how far she's come - from being bedridden and scared to face the world to now doing her best to embrace all life has to offer.
"It's a great feeling to know that I'm actually getting somewhere with this," she says. "I'm excited for what is to come now that I'm able to get out more. I'm still nervous, still scared for what's next to come, but that's just another road block in my way and I'm ready to take it on."
For more information on how to recognize mental illness in teens and the local resources available in Hamilton click here.
By Laura Lennie, News Staff
Nadia Mastroianni admits to having been nervous about talking to a reporter about her experiences with mental illness.
The Grade 12 student at Bishop Ryan Catholic Secondary School says feeling that way was "such a drawback," considering how far she's come in dealing with her social anxiety and panic disorders.
"But then I thought, 'OK, one step at a time.' I remembered what I've learned, to just look at the positive side of this and the people I'm possibly going to help," she says tearfully. "Not only am I doing this for myself, I'm doing this for so many teens that probably feel like this and are too scared to speak up.'
•••••••
As a kid, Nadia enjoyed hanging out with friends, yet also found comfort in being independent.
However, everything began to change around Grade 7.
Nadia's father and grandfather both were diagnosed with cancer, and her grandfather succumbed to the disease. Due to her grief, Nadia stopped hanging out with friends and isolated herself from everyone for about a year.
"I became used to feeling numb and empty, wearing a fake smile, forcing laughs...It was sometimes comforting," she says. "I continued to be independent. I almost didn't want to be a bother to people."
Nadia began to open up a bit around Grade 8, hanging out with friends again, but for some reason she felt uncomfortable and uneasy, often faking sick so she could leave.
"I began to think like I didn't belong," she says. "My grieving changed my personality to the point where I began to wonder if I was doing enough as a friend. I started to wonder if friends still liked me even after my grieving because I did lose quite a few friends because of it."
Nadia's uneasiness kicked into overdrive about two weeks before she entered high school. She was very nervous about going, to the point of being sick every day, and went to see her grief counsellor at her family doctor's office.
"I didn't want to face the fact that I was transitioning from a school of 400 kids to a building with over 1,000," she says. "I hated change. I was always scared of the outcome because I knew it was something I couldn't control."
After many sessions with her grief counsellor, Nadia was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder due to her excessive fear of being around people or in social situations.
She was prescribed medication, but things only got worse in Grade 9. She found it difficult to adjust to high school and suffered daily anxiety attacks, which caused her to sweat profusely, her heart to race, and feelings of nausea and detachment from reality.
"It felt like I was dying," she says. "I was confused and petrified that this was happening to my body."
Nadia was able to talk to friends about what was going on because some of them also were having a hard time adjusting to high school, but she didn't know how to open up to her parents, even though they noticed she was frustrated and moody at times.
"I didn't know what was going on with my body," she recalls. "My attitude had changed and it affected my parents big time. I think at one point they attributed it to typical teenage behaviour, but when you don't know yourself what's wrong, it's really hard to explain it to others."
Nadia became overwhelmed with her courses, adding to her stress, and was bedridden for about six weeks and fell way behind in school.
"I was scared to face my teachers, knowing they weren't impressed with my bad attendance," she says. "At times, I just wished they'd understand and help me, but I wasn't sure how to explain to them what was going on with me because at the same time I was still trying to figure it out myself."
All the while Nadia's anxiety kept getting worse.
She couldn't hang out with friends or even leave the house without feeling nervous or scared.
"I suffered attacks each day," she says. "Having continuous attacks every day was beyond words, exhausting."
A long period of depression followed.
"For months, I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained," she says. "I was tired of being in a battle with my mind every day, never winning. I couldn't face anxiety attacks anymore and was just frustrated."
Nadia suffered like this through Grade 10 and 11, missing a lot of school.
Her assignments piled up, her grades dropped and she lost hope.
"Suicide crossed my mind a lot because I felt like it was the only thing left that would take my pain of anxiety away," she says. "I couldn't see myself getting better at that point, so taking my life felt like the only solution."
Fortunately, Nadia never tried to kill herself, realizing there had to be a better answer.
"Something in the back of my head just said, 'Stop. You don't want to die, you just want to be saved.'"
With encouragement from friends, she decided it was time to get better. She says she'd hidden her depression and suicidal thoughts very well from her parents, who were shocked when she finally opened up.
"They experienced a mix of emotions. After all, I overwhelmed them with information I hid for years," she says. "But then they were understanding, and of course that tore me apart even more."
Nadia admitted herself to McMaster Children's Hospital in January 2014 and was diagnosed with panic disorder, characterized by panic attacks that seem to come out of the blue with no obvious cause.
For Nadia, being in the hospital offered some relief. She knew she was in a better place where doctors could help her get back on her feet, but it still wasn't easy.
"Not knowing what to expect going forward, having already been through hell and back, was scary," she says. "Having (social) anxiety disorder and then going to the most severe type of it...it kind of tore me apart a bit more."
After three days at McMaster, Nadia began outpatient therapy. She met regularly with a psychiatrist and talked about how much she wanted her life back.
"I didn't want to be independent anymore," she says. "I wanted to make memories with friends, be able to go out with them and be a normal teenager."
[caption id="attachment_57799" align="alignleft" width="329" caption="Photos by Laura Lennie"][/caption]
Eventually Nadia learned more about how anxiety works and ways to retrain her brain and body to combat it.
"I learned how to focus not so much on what could go wrong in a situation, but rather on the positives of it. I really learned what mind over matter was."
In time, she began to step outside her comfort zone and do things with friends she'd been unable to do for years. Things got better at school and she started participating more in class.
Completing outpatient therapy last August and continuing to use the skills she's learned, Nadia's gone on to achieve many things she didn't think possible a year ago.
She hangs out with friends and often spends time at their houses. She's walked across a stage in front of a large audience to receive her honour roll certificate at school. She's also a member of many groups, including the Celtic Circle Student Leadership Club, which aims to bring awareness to mental health issues through the iMatter: Taking Care of Teen Mental Health initiative. Student-led and teacher-facilitated, the initiative trains senior peer mentors to deliver a series of three lessons on mental health and illness to Grade 9 students.
Nadia, now 18, has been instrumental in not only developing iMatter at Bishop Ryan, but also inspiring peers to implement mental health initiatives at their schools.
She's also trained in safeTALK, where individuals learn how to recognize the signs of suicide, communicate with the person at risk and direct them to the right support.
Nadia says she feels really good about how far she's come, especially knowing she can use her experiences to help other struggling teens.
"When a student comes up to me and says, 'I see that you're in that club and this is what I'm going through,' just to know that they feel like they can talk to me about it is amazing and it's something that I would have never expected a year ago."
•••••••
Nadia says there is a lot of stigma around mental health and people with mental illness are sometimes seen as aliens, misjudged and underestimated.
"I think that really isolates people who suffer," she says. "It's easy to see if someone has a broken leg or a sprained ankle. It's not as easy to tell if someone is battling their mind every day and suffering inside."
Nadia says she wants to encourage anyone battling mental illness to never give up. She admits she still has rough days, but then she remembers how far she's come - from being bedridden and scared to face the world to now doing her best to embrace all life has to offer.
"It's a great feeling to know that I'm actually getting somewhere with this," she says. "I'm excited for what is to come now that I'm able to get out more. I'm still nervous, still scared for what's next to come, but that's just another road block in my way and I'm ready to take it on."
For more information on how to recognize mental illness in teens and the local resources available in Hamilton click here.